Sometimes You Want The Receipt
by Sunshinecackle
Summary: If the present was a gift, Adam sometimes found himself wishing it came with a receipt.


**Title:** Sometimes You Want The Receipt  
**Author:** Donnie  
**Fandom:** Saw/Insidious  
**Setting:** Various  
**Pairing:** Lawrence Gordon/Adam Stanheight  
**Characters:** Lawrence Gordon, Adam Stanheight, John Kramer, Amanda Young, David (Saw .5), Specs (Insidious), OC: Lukas Radford-Faulkner, OC: Matthew Faulkner  
**Genre:** Angst/Spiritual  
**Rating:** T  
**Chapters:** 1/1  
**Word Count:** 975  
**Type of Work:** One-Shot  
**Status:** Complete  
**Warnings:** Slightly Gay, Spoilers for Saw, AU - Canon Divergent, AU - Adam Lives, Adam-Centric, Cherish Your Demon-Infested Life Universe  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except Lukas and Matt.  
**Summary:** If the present was a gift, Adam sometimes found himself wishing it came with a receipt.

**AN:** So… Originally this was supposed to have a different feel to it, and this is what happened instead. I do hope you guys like it, because I do enjoy whatever I put out recently, I just don't know if I'm doing such a good job of actually doing what is necessary. Either way, at least I'm writing, I guess. I hope you guys enjoy!

**Sometimes You Want The Receipt******

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Whenever Adam was in John's presence, Lawrence advised him to be humble.

_You don't stare death in the face twice and be allowed to leave with your skin still attached and still act like you know better._

While John had become something of a God in Lawrence's eyes, something to be treated with dignity and respect, some_one_ to look up to, Adam still got chills when he heard him speak. He had nightmares that ended with the creak of metal and the gravelly, "Game over." that had left him in that dark, dank bathroom for a week.

It wasn't _John_ that he had to thank for his life, the man was going to leave him like a trash bag full of an ex's clothes. Lawrence's good graces, Lawrence's desire to be better than he had been, Lawrence's need to know that his newfound friend would be okay' Those were the things that saved him.

It _was_ John, however, that he could thank for the crippling anxiety, the constant nightmares, the inability to go to a public bathroom by himself… And also for how to properly fix a poorly done self-amputation. Lawrence had tried to aid his squeamish stomach with the thought that one should never trust a self-operating surgeon, but the joke both went over his head and made him want to cry.

He wasn't cut out for this kind of thing. The stalking, the photography, leaving all of the letters and signs that there would be something next, that was easy. He'd done so much when it came to that kind of business that the lifestyle didn't bother him. It was knowing that the person he was watching, taking photos of, keeping tabs on, that person was going to wind up like him, or like David, or Amanda, or Lawrence. And, if they didn't survive… The list of names was greater for the other half. Adam would have been one of them.

Which was probably why he stuck so close to Lawrence. They healed together; Lawrence's leg wasn't easy to manage most of the time, not for the first few months, and Adam's shoulder still gave him fits. The camera was heavy some nights, and he'd have to remind himself over and over that he couldn't let Lawrence down. The doctor had sent someone back for him, had made sure Adam didn't die, had been there since the second he woke up. That was the kind of commitment he'd never had in his life. He needed, more than anything, for Lawrence to be proud of him. For Lawrence to _love_ him.

It was probably some misguided attempt to have a father that cared. A family that wasn't broken. But he didn't give it much thought, these days. Snapping pictures of targets with a constant mantra of _Lawrence, Lawrence, Lawrence, it's for __**Lawrence**_, running through his head. He couldn't think about John, not like his new preoccupation could. Lawrence saw a lesson in every utterance, in every wisened look thrown his way. All Adam could see was malice.

He'd changed that night, alright. Adam had gone from scraping by, living on the skin of his teeth, to being too terrified to resort to what he had to to survive. It was a great bit of luck, probably the only good luck that he'd ever had, that Lawrence and his wife hit rocky waters just in time for him to be able to move in with the elder man. After all, a cute little loft apartment was better than the shithole he'd been unable to afford rent for for three months.

At least Lawrence seemed apt to spoil him. Lukas had given him enough shit about having a sugar daddy in the last month than he thought he'd ever heard come out of that man's mouth. And that was definitely saying something. Lukas usually had enough to say about everything that most people's Christmas and Birthday wishes were for him to shut the fuck up already.

What Lawrence didn't always seem to understand, though, was Adam's feelings towards him. While he was ready to fall to his knees and worship every word, humbly follow every direction that John was willing to give him… Adam would have done the same for Lawrence. For a week, he didn't care about his dad, or Lukas, or David, or Steven, or his rent or if he'd be able to get anything to eat. He thought about _Lawrence_.

Thoughts about his blue eyes and how much they popped with the loss of blood and adrenaline as he gazed into Adam's shocked, tearful face had gotten him through more negative thoughts more times than he wanted to say. Every time he thought about just how close they had been, how easy it would have been to just lean in and kiss him before he left… It was one of the few things he could bring himself to regret in this life anymore.

He still hadn't kissed him. In fact, Adam had been playing it as straight as he could while he followed Lawrence around like a puppy, while he clung to him in the subway or begged to go home sooner because he wasn't going in that public bathroom alone. He tried without fail to make it seem like this was enough for him, even if he knew it wasn't.

One of these days, though, he would find a way to tell him. Lawrence said the experience taught him not to waste time anymore. Fear was just holding him back. Like a phoenix, Lawrence had risen from the ashes of defeat, of fear, of his own limitations. And like the ashes left behind, Adam was one gust of wind away from being blown away and forgotten.

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**AN:** Welp… I feel like this one got away from me. Again. Naturally, nothing I write lately seems to follow the plan I have for it. I've been sick and I just feel pretty lousy, but I want to do something. I hope you guys enjoyed!

Prompt: **Supplicate** \- _To pray humbly to; Entreat or petition humbly._


End file.
